Corresponding with Recipients

• Your loved one’s first name, age, occupation, hobbies, and/or interests
• Information about your family: marital status, children, grandchildren, etc.
• A favorite story or memory of your loved one
• How the decision to donate has impacted you
• Your hopes for the recipient, including wishes for a reply
• You are welcome to include a photo

In closing your letter, you can sign your name, note your relationship to your loved one, or if you wish to remain anonymous, consider signing your letter with only your first name or “Your Donor’s Family.”

Donor Alliance does not have any restrictions on what you can include, however, the recipient’s transplant center may limit what information can be shared, and they may redact identifying or contact information according to their policies when forwarded.

Your letter may be as short or long as you like. If you are finding it difficult to find the words to express your feelings, consider asking a family member or friend to write the letter on your behalf. A simple greeting card can be just as meaningful as a long letter,

Dear Recipient,

Our brother would be thrilled to know that he helped you. We miss him desperately, but it helps us to know that he is making a difference in your life. He loved his job as an educator and lived a life full of adventure. When he wasn’t teaching, he was outdoors hiking, skiing, and mountain biking. His adventurous spirit is now a part of your story, and we hope that knowing this brings you strength and hope, just as it has brought strength and hope to our family.

It would be an incredible gift to hear from you, even once, to know how our brother’s gift is making a difference in your life. Until then, know that we think of you often and wish you continued health.

All the best,

Your Donor’s Family

In our experience, the vast majority of donor families and recipients find it meaningful to correspond and connect with one another. However, we want to provide some considerations to help prepare you for possibilities that may be distressing or difficult.

• Donor families and recipients may find that differences in backgrounds, values, and beliefs can present a challenge.
• Donor families and recipients may find that one party desires more contact than the other, which can lead to feelings of hurt and discomfort.
• Recipients need an organ transplant because they are very ill. As a result, there is always a possibility that a recipient may become ill again or experience rejection of the organ, either of which could lead to loss of organ function or even death. For the donor family, this may feel like experiencing another loss.

If your loved one donated organs (heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, pancreas), you may write to the organ recipient(s) first and at any time. You do not need to wait for the recipient to reach out first.

If your loved one donated tissues (bone, soft tissue, heart valves, veins, skin grafts), the tissue recipient(s) must write to you first. Donor Alliance is not provided with specific tissue recipient information, which means we do not have a way of sending a letter to a tissue recipient unless they reach out first. If you are unsure which gifts your loved one donated, please contact us at (303) 370-2737 or aftercare@donoralliance.org.

No, there is no period of time that is too soon or too late to begin corresponding with organ recipients. Only you can know when the time is right, and you are encouraged to write when you feel ready.

You can write about anything you feel comfortable sharing. The letter can be as long or short as you like, or you can even send a simple greeting card. For ideas and suggestions of what to write, please visit Suggestions for What to Include in Your Letter.

Your identity is confidential, unless you choose to share identifying information. Sharing your full name, where you live, work, or other identifying details may lead to the discovery of your identity using social media, an internet search, or other means. You may share whatever you feel comfortable sharing, but please remember that once sent, information cannot be taken back. If you wish to remain anonymous, consider not sharing personal details and signing your letter with only your first name or, "Your Donor Family."

Once Donor Alliance receives your letter, it is reviewed and forwarded to the hospital where the recipient received their transplant. The transplant hospital will then forward your letter to the recipient. These steps are taken to ensure the privacy of both parties, and exchanging letters often takes many weeks. If we receive a reply, or if we are unable to forward your letter for any reason, we will let you know.

If you submit your letter using our online form, we will send you a confirmation email letting you know that your letter was received. If you submit your letter by mail, we will mail you a confirmation postcard to let you know that your letter was received. If we are not able to forward your letter for any reason, we will let you know.

You may or may not receive a response from your loved one’s recipient(s), and we urge you to be prepared for either outcome. Some recipients may not write due to challenging recovery periods, while others are overwhelmed with complex emotions and find it difficult to express their feelings and gratitude. Some recipients may want their privacy, and some may simply need more time. Silence from a recipient does not mean they are ungrateful for the gift they were given, and in no way lessens the lifesaving impact that your loved one had on them.

Your identity is confidential, unless you choose to share identifying information. Sharing your full name, where you live, work, or other identifying details may lead to the discovery of your identity using social media, an internet search, or other means. You may share whatever you feel comfortable sharing, but please remember that once sent, information cannot be taken back.

If you wish to communicate with a recipient directly, you may include your contact information in your letter. Please be sure to review the Considerations for Direct Contact before sharing your contact information. The recipient may or may not choose to contact you directly, and written correspondence can continue through Donor Alliance for as long as that is desired by either party.

Please understand that the recipient’s transplant center may limit what information can be shared, and they may redact correspondence according to their policies when forwarded.

If both parties express an interest in meeting, this may be possible. To facilitate this possibility, you are welcome to include your contact information in your letter once you have reviewed the Considerations for Direct Contact. It is up to the recipient whether they contact you directly. Please remember that the timing may not be right for the recipient, or they may not be willing or able to meet in person. Many people have meaningful connections through written correspondence, and letters can continue to be exchanged through Donor Alliance for as long as that is desired by either party.

We will do everything we can to connect you with your loved one’s recipient(s), no matter how long ago your loved one was a donor. It is possible that with the passage of time, recipients may have moved or lost contact with their transplant center, or they may have died in the time since the transplant, and getting a letter to them may not be possible. If we are not able to forward your letter for any reason, we will let you know.

Donation is a gift that is given and received confidentially. We strongly recommend against searching for, reaching out to, or responding to people you think may be recipients of your loved one’s gifts without first establishing a connection through Donor Alliance and the recipient’s transplant center. Mistakes have been made that lead to incorrect assumptions of identity and connections with the wrong recipients have occurred, which can be difficult and painful to work through. The only way to ensure that you are communicating with the correct recipient is to do so through Donor Alliance and the recipient’s transplant center. If you are contacted by someone claiming to be a recipient of your loved one’s gifts, please contact us so we can verify their identity and help facilitate the relationship in a manner in which everyone is comfortable.

Yes. In Colorado and most of Wyoming, cornea recovery and correspondence with cornea recipients is facilitated by the Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Bank. This is a separate organization from Donor Alliance. For more information how to contact your loved one’s cornea recipients, please visit the Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Bank website at www.corneas.org or call 800.444.3938.

To find the Organ Procurement Organization (OPO) for any state, you can visit www.aopo.org/find-your-opo.